"The true gentleman is friendly, but not familiar." - CONFUCIUS

Thursday, June 11, 2009


How can you expect a bunch of people who couldn’t get something right in 100 years to get it right in one? Or even ten? Hell, even 20?

This is the first thought that crosses many minds upon learning of the news that a movement, spearheaded by the Bay Area Council and Repair California, is gathering support to rewrite the California constitution from scratch. Yes, apparently laws like “women may not drive in a house coat” (I’m not making this up) cannot be repealed individually under any circumstances, but with enough support we can just throw the entire constitution in the trash like it was a sudoku puzzle or something. And as long as the damn thing is, I hope Ahnuld has a recycle bin.

As California’s negative balance continues to look more and more like Herr Schwarzenegger’s ‘80s box office figures, a brand new constitution increasingly looks like the only chance the state has of not being mistaken for Argentina by 2020. That is, unless it sucks. And if the closet Nazis and wind-powered tree-huggers are the only two crews who show up to the party, as is customary for our great state, then my money’s on Buenos Aires. At least it’s next door to Brazil. We get Oregon.

The pro-revision crowd’s remedy for this potential problem is to select the people who will have a direct say in the constitution’s rewriting using a jury pool, a.k.a. us. Of course, the possibility that the people we select end up making decisions as awful as the people we tried not to is a distinct one. California schools have been shitty for a long time now; most of us are probably way dumber than we think we are. And according to news sources, the potency of marijuana today is now upwards of ten percent, and everybody knows we’re all high over here on the West Cizzoast.

But hey. It’s like that kid in fourth grade with all the boogers always used to say to you at times like these: “do you have a BETTER idea?” Of course you don’t. So off we go. If the BAC and Repair California can get themselves together in time, the new constitution could end up on the ballot as early as 2012. Makes me wanna roll one up just thinking about it.